Slacking off. How have I not been fired?

"Oh well, then I guess it's up to me to teach you. Can you say the alphabet?" Al asked as his lip twitched while he tried to keep from laughing. This was just too funny.

Tobi sighed. "Of course I can. I'm not a complete idiot, Al, I taught myself a few things. Me and my sister used to...." His voice trailed off and he wrinkled his forehead. "Anyway," He said, changing the subject, "Do I need to say the alphabet for me or can you just take my word for it?"

"Bleh, I was just testing you -after all you can't be completely stupid if you're a colonel- But... can you do basic math? Like addition, subtraction, multiplication and division? I managed to do it by I was 7, so my original did, but hey, we're Elrics, we're born with brains."

"I know some math. Mostly the basics...I guess I'm pretty good at Science. And while you may have brains, I have humor, which can get me through any situation.Where do your brains get you?" Tobi was very competitive.

"They get me to be a colonel when I'm literally only 6 years old -I'd be 15 if I were my original-, not to mention in the Fuhrer favour, able to trick Father into thinking I'm with him when I'm not and blah, blah, blah. Brains = good, humor to you = annoying." He said as he poked Mustang's forehead, "Ok, do you know your history?"

"It was a rhetorical question, Toeblade, I didn't ask for your life's story." Tobi sighed. "History? What's the point of it?"

"Er, so you know what the hell has happened to the country. Also, I didn't give you my life story, it's a lot more depressing, trust me. I'm an Elric, of course it's depressing." Envy said with a smirk before grinning, "Ok, who was the Fuhrer of Amestris 100 years ago?"

Tobi wrinkled his eyebrows. His father had taught him this, at least. "I'uno, Bradley?"

"Ok, who was the youngest to ever become a state alchemist? -I became a state alchemist at 13, so it's not me-"

"Uh...." Tobi blinked. "Edward Elric, right?"

"Yup, which direction is Drachma?"

"That's not history!" Tobi groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Uh, fine then, what happened at Briggs 100 years ago?"

Tobi shrugged. "I don't know anything about Briggs!"

"See, you're hopeless." Al concluded with a grin, "The Drachmans came at the Briggs fortress and tried to over throw it, but they all got massacred by Kimblee."

Tobi chuckled. "Isn't history oh so very pleasant?"

"No, it's boring." Al said with a groan as he seated himself backwards on one of the seats in Tobi's office, "After all, who cares about the past? Not me. I'd only care if I could go back to it."

Tobi nodded. "I wouldn't want to go back that far, though," He said with a sigh.

"I would, I wanna meet My great grandpa's famous big brother and the original Envy, that would be awesome~! Maybe Roy Mustang too."

Tobi smiled. "Yeah, I'd like to meet Great-Grandad when he was in his younger days. I only met him once or twice and he was way old."

"Same with Great Granddad, he died three years before my original died of cancer, I think. It's the same thing Great Great Granny Trisha had." Envy said with a shrug, "Then my parents went all Elric-style impulsive and they died and brought me back, I think you know the story from there."

Tobi nodded slightly. "Yeah," He muttered. "You're parents must have really loved you to try to bring you back," He said quietly.

"Hm, well as far as I can recall my mother did, but my dad didn't really show until about a year before my 'death', so to speak." Al said with a faint smile, before patting his legs, "After the transmutation, I got my sister's legs and she grew to detest me so much she revealed my weakness to the enemy and got herself killed not too long ago. Probably two months now?"

Tobi looked down at his feet. "Oh," He said quietly. "I'm sorry." He was quiet for a while, completely opposite of his normally obnoxious personality.

"Ne, I've gotten over it. I'm sure she's living happily with her REAL brother right now, suffering the black tentacles of the Truth, raping their souls of their precious virginity..." He shuddered at the thought, "And this is why homunculi are scare of the gate..."